Readings for today: Genesis 32-34, Psalm 10
There is nothing harder than having to face the serious consequences of the decisions you’ve made in your life. You have no one else to blame. Nowhere else to go. Nowhere left to hide. It’s just you coming to grips with the choices you made and the ripple effect they created for your family, friends, and community. I can’t tell you the number of times this has happened in my life. It’s never easy. It’s always painful. It creates all kinds of shame and heartbreak. And though I’ve often tried to run away from it all, God is faithful. He brings me back. He sets me in front of the mirror. He forces me to face myself in all my failures. He breaks me so that He might build me back up.
Jacob finds himself between a rock and hard place. He has burned every bridge possible. Laban, the father-in-law he defrauded, is behind him. Esau, the brother he usurped, is in front of him. For all he knows, he and his family are about to be wiped out. He’s under tremendous pressure. His fears and anxieties have gotten the best of him. All his scheming and manipulation have brought him to this point. God has him right where He wants him. He meets Jacob down by the river. He wrestles with Jacob all night long. He forces Jacob to come grips with all his failures. He breaks Jacob utterly to the point where he is given a new name and a new identity. He will now be known as “Israel”, the one who struggles with God. The one who walks with a limp for the rest of his life as a reminder of his encounter with the Holy One.
Perhaps you know how Jacob feels? Perhaps you too have wrestled with God? Perhaps you have been broken by Him? I know I have. My life is not the same as it was prior to 2009. I wrestled with God for months, spending almost every night pacing and arguing and cursing out God in prayer. I fought with God. I battled God. And I was utterly broken before Him. God did to me what He did to Jacob. He was faithful to stay in the fight. He never overwhelmed me. Never forced Himself on me. He simply waited until I exhausted myself struggling against Him. Once I came to the end of myself, He held a mirror up to my soul. There I saw all the ugliness of my pride and anger and frustration and bitterness and selfishness and fear reflected back at me. God gave me a choice in that moment. I could choose to continue fighting or I could surrender to His will for my life. Thankfully, I chose the latter but believe me when I say I walked away from that encounter with a serious limp.
Friends, God’s plan for your life is simple. He wants you to become more like Jesus. He is like a master sculptor taking up his hammer and chisel to break those parts of you that don’t belong. He is molding and shaping you in ways you cannot see. He is always at work using everything you’re going through in your life to complete the good work He’s begun in you. This is not an easy process. It is not a clean or neat process. It is not a linear process. It is often painful and hard and confusing. We often resist His sanctifying work in our lives. But God is faithful. He is patient. He will keep wrestling with us until we finally surrender to Him.
Readings for tomorrow: Genesis 35-37, Psalm 11