Readings for today: 2 Samuel 13-15
All families live with some level of dysfunction. Dysfunction occurs where unhealthy behavior (rage, addiction, abuse, neglect, etc.) is normalized, leading members of a family to make unhealthy accommodations rather than pursue repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Left unchecked, dysfunction leads destructive patterns of behavior that often impact generations as unhealthy coping skills are passed down from parent to child. Breaking generational cycles of sin is extremely difficult and requires incredible courage as well as sacrifice as dysfunctional family systems often violently resist change. The same is true in human societies as well. They are simply “family systems” at a macro level.
The family of King David is perhaps the pre-eminent Biblical example of the dysfunctional family system. Of course, his situation is made much more complex by the cultural practice of polygamy which led to many children by many different wives and concubines, all seeking to ascend the line of succession. Dynastic considerations complicate what we read today but many lessons can be drawn that are helpful in our own lives. Amnon is the oldest son of David and heir apparent to the throne. As such, he has grown accustomed to power and privilege and simply taking what he wants when he wants it. His treatment of Tamar, his half-sister, is horrific in its own right but probably emblematic of how Amnon lives his life. Absalom is not much better. What begins as a noble desire to protect his sister from public shame ends in murder and a coup attempt against his own father. Who knows what prompted Absalom’s move against David but it clearly was pre-meditated and even assisted by some of David’s closest confidants. David doesn’t help matters much. As king, he should have punished Amnon for his crime but instead appears to give him a pass. Once Absalom takes matters into his own hands, David appears both relieved and appalled. He refuses to forgive and reconcile with Absalom which only isolates him further and divides the royal household. David chooses to ignore the growing conspiracy until its almost too late and thus has to flee into exile. His family is shattered. His kingdom is divided. His country stands on the brink of civil war.
I think of my own family system. Several years ago, we went to counseling together to try and break dysfunctional patterns in our own lives. I had to learn to deal more effectively with my anger issues. I had to wrestle with my fears and failures and disappointments. I had to face the fact that I caused my children pain through the choices I made in how I responded to the difference circumstances we faced as a family. I had to take a long hard look at myself through Christ’s eyes and repent. Ask for forgiveness. Pursue reconciliation. It wasn’t easy. It’s still not easy! It requires humility and sacrifice. I have to relinquish my need for control. My need to protect my kids from the consequences of the choices they make in life. My need to project “success” to the world around me. I’ve had to come to grips with the fact that my family is as broken as any and I am a major contributor to that brokenness because of my own sin issues. Honestly, it’s a painful journey. Then again, dying to self is always painful.
What about your family system? If your family’s story was included in the Scriptures, what would others see? What failures? What successes? Would they see patterns of repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation? Or would they see pride, neglect, abuse, addiction, and rampant conflict? Or perhaps a mixture of both? Where is Christ at work in your family right now? What areas do you need Christ to pay particular attention to in order to bring healing, wholeness, grace and peace? Are there particular family members you need to be praying specifically for? Who are they? What are the issues? How are you contributing to the pain? Ask Christ to help you chart a different path. One that leads to true transformation.
Readings for tomorrow: Psalms 3-4, 13, 28, 55