Readings for today: Genesis 3-5
Father, through your Holy Spirit, open my eyes and heart that I may receive the gift of your Word today. Grant me wisdom and understanding so that I may know how to walk more fully in the light of the Lord.
Where art thou? What a question from God. It’s not like God can’t see Adam and Eve crouching in the bushes behind their fig leaves. The Psalmist is clear that there is no place I can hide from God. If I climb to the highest of heavens, God is there. If I plunge into the depths of the earth, God is there. If I rise on the wings of the morning and settle on the far part of the sea, even there God is waiting for me. Nothing is hidden from Him so why this question? What is God after with Adam and Eve? What is God after with me? Where are you, Doug? Where’s your head? Where’s your heart? I am here waiting for you, Doug. Where are you? Why are you hiding? Why are you running? Why are you avoiding Me? Where are you, Doug? I miss our time together in the silence and solitude of each morning and evening. I miss our time together in worship. Where are you, Doug?
It’s a powerful question for reflection. It reminds me that God is ever seeking after me. Relentlessly pursuing me. He will not rest until He tracks me down. My heart is so prone to wander. I am so easily distracted. The cares and the worries of this world cause me a lot of anxiety. My desires can be all over the map. Physically, I am getting older and I can feel my body breaking down. I have more aches and pains than in previous years. The toll I’ve taken on my body is catching up to me. My shoulders ache. My back hurts. I can’t do the things I once was able to do. Mentally, I continue to grow but I too often fill my mind with all sorts of unnecessary things. I do not think on what is noble or true or righteous or good but instead I allow myself to get drawn into the anger and frustration and bitterness that plagues so much of our world. Emotionally, I am learning. As a young boy, I learned to bury my emotions as a coping mechanism and have spent my entire life feeling stunted as a result. I feel deeply but cannot seem to find ways to express it. I have a hard time shedding tears. I do not let myself get too up lest I become disappointed or too down lest I feel weak. I keep a tight rein on my emotions because I am not sure I am safe. Spiritually, I know my sin. It is ever before me. I know my failures before the Lord. I know I do things I ought not to do and don’t do things I should do. Where are you, Doug?
One can easily see my natural bent to be self-critical. ;-) But the above certainly does not define me and does not tell the whole story. When answering this question before the Lord, I must also acknowledge the many ways I have grown in my life. Yes, my body is breaking down and yet I enjoy good health. I get a good night’s sleep. I exercise regularly. I eat well. I pay attention to how I physically feel. I maintain an active lifestyle. I want to honor God with my body. Mentally, I am sharp. I read the Bible daily. I read books that encourage and equip and help me think more deeply about my faith. I use my intellectual gifts to serve others and to build up the Body of Christ and I know God is pleased. Emotionally, I have come a long way. I am learning to express my feelings to those I love. I am learning to identify the lies I tell myself. I am becoming more comfortable with naming my feelings and talking about them. This, in turn, has helped me become a better listener. A more empathetic and sympathetic person. Someone who is emotionally safe for others. Spiritually, I am more like Christ than ever. God has done a great work in my life. He has drawn near to me as I have drawn near to Him. He has honored every moment spent in prayer and in His Word and in worship. He has literally re-shaped how I view the world. How I understand life. He has re-ordered my desires. These things are just as true for me as the self-critique. In fact, an honest look at my life would say they are more true of me.
For many years, my prayer has been “less of me, Jesus, more of you.” I have longed to decrease so that Christ may increase in my life. The only way that can happen is by intentionally dwelling in God’s presence. By living my life ever before Him, I become who He created me to be. Becoming like Christ has nothing to do with my work, it is a byproduct of being present before God. Perhaps this is why I find God’s question to Adam so heartbreaking. Where are you, Adam? As a father, I know what it’s like to feel distant from one’s children. It’s the worst feeling in the world. To not know where they are physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. To not feel connected to the one you love most. God must have felt all these feelings and more when He asked the question and His hope was for Adam’s return. Sadly, Adam and Eve chose to blame-shift. They chose to justify themselves. They chose the path of sin. How different things would be if they had torn off those fig leaves, confessed their sin, and humbled themselves before God! How different things would be in my own life if I too would stop trying to hide and vulnerably, authentically, honestly approached my Savior.
Readings for tomorrow: Genesis 6-7