Readings for today: Genesis 44-46
Father, open my eyes of my heart that I might see what You would have me see, learn what You would have me learn, and apply to my life the eternal principles You have revealed through Your Word.
Repentance is a deeply biblical concept. It literally means making a 180 degree turn in life. It requires a change of heart. It results in different decisions. Different behaviors. Different actions. When I read this passage today, I see repentance in Judah. Here’s the man who first suggested they sell Joseph into slavery. In a very real way, he is responsible for all the hardship and suffering and pain in Joseph’s life. Sure, one might argue Judah at least saved Joseph from being killed by his brothers which was the original plan but slavery might be a fate worse than death. And before we give him any credit, it’s entirely possible he was motivated by financial gain rather than any altruistic feelings for his brother. As time went on, Judah experienced his own pain. Two of his own sons died and I wonder if this changed him? Is it possible he began to empathize with his father and the grief and loss he suffered when they told him Joseph had been killed? Is it possible he began to look back and reflect on what he had done to his brother and regret the actions he took that day? Clearly something has happened to Judah. He is not the same man he once was for when Joseph seeks to detain Benjamin, Judah literally offers up his own life as an exchange. He repents. He makes a 180 degree turn. He does what he should have done all those years ago.
For years, I struggled with anger. Those closest to me would often bear the brunt of my outbursts. Sure, I could justify my feelings with all sorts of reasons. It’s not like I would fly off the handle for no reason. But the damage I did was significant. Finally, a counselor confronted me. He looked me in the eye and asked, “Doug, has anything good ever come from your anger? Does it get you closer or further away from your goals? Does it actually achieve the ends you’re shooting for? How’s it actually working for you?” I had no answers. Actually I did. I knew this counselor was correct. I justified my anger. I considered it righteous. I felt it necessary to get my point across. To demonstrate my seriousness. I wanted my children primarily to understand how much it hurt when they lied or shirked responsibility or broke the rules we had set for our home. Somewhere down deep, I felt anger was necessary to hold them accountable. I was believing a lie. James 1:20 says, “The anger of man doesn’t bring about the righteousness of God.” What I wanted more than anything else was for my family to be righteous. I wanted my children to be righteous so when the counselor confronted me with those questions, I knew something had to change. I knew I had to change. I needed to repent and ask for forgiveness. Life in our home is much different now. Sure, my kids still press my buttons from time to time. It’s not like my teenagers have suddenly become angels. ;-) At the same time, I am a different person. God has transformed my heart. Anger is no longer my primary response. In fact, it is a very rare occurrence. My relationships with my kids has never been better and I am thankful for the grace they have shown me. I am just a broken man and a broken dad trying my best to follow Jesus.
What about you? Where is God calling you to repentance in your life? What relationships are broken and in need of restoration? Are you willing to let God do the deep work in your heart and soul to bring you to a different place? To make you a different person?
Readings for tomorrow: Genesis 47-50