People Pleasing

Readings for today: Psalms 142-144, 1 Corinthians 10:23-11:1

“I’m a people-pleaser.” I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard that phrase. Mostly in a negative context. It usually signals a person struggles with healthy boundaries. They exhaust themselves trying to make those around them happy. They take too much responsibility for the emotional heath and well-being of their loved ones or peers. They lose any sense of their own identity as they wrestle with staying self-differentiated. As a pastor, I’ve helped many people re-assert themselves in relationships. Reclaim a sense of their own God-given selfhood as they seek to relate to others. Recover a healthy sense of value and self-worth as a human being made in the image of God.

The temptation in these conversations, of course, is to simply flip to the other side of the coin. It’s to let the pendulum swing too far the other way. The people-pleaser becomes the people-offender. Their boundaries become hard and strong and unyielding. They become inflexible and distrustful and resentful. They become self-absorbed and self-centered. They refuse to serve others. Sacrifice is a word that no longer fits their vocabulary. They live in constant fear of going back. They are constantly on guard against anything that might suggest a return to their former ways of doing things.

Neither of these approaches leads to life. Neither of these approaches will lead to the kind of intimacy God desires for us as human beings. Both are based in manipulation, power, and a desire to control those around us. God shows us a different way. Listen to how the Apostle Paul describes it, “All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor…Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God, just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved. Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 10:23-24, 32-11:1)

At first blush, it looks like Paul himself has fallen into them trap of unhealthy people-pleasing. Let no one seek their own good? Give no offense to anyone? Try to please everyone in everything? I can almost hear the people-pleasers reading this beginning to hyperventilate a bit! ;-) Take a deep breath. Look at the very last verse. Christ, as always, holds the key. So confident was Jesus in the will of His Father, He could relinquish all things - including His very own spirit - into His Father’s divine hands. Jesus knew His Father was faithful. Jesus knew His Father was just. Jesus knew His Father would fulfill His promise to fill Him even as He poured Himself out. Jesus knew His Father would fulfill His promise to exalt Him even as He humbled Himself by becoming the Suffering Servant for all humanity. Jesus knew His Father would fulfill His promise to raise Him even as sacrificed His own life. What the Father did for Jesus, Jesus will do for us. Remember, Christ died for us. Christ gave up everything for us. Christ willingly sacrificed Himself for us. He did this not out of any sense of guilt or obligation but because He loved us. And the Apostle Paul knew this love. He abided in this love. He lived his life empowered by this love.

If you are confident in Christ’s love for you then you are set free to serve. Set free to place the needs of others before your own. Set free to sacrifice your rights willingly, even gladly, in order to please others. You no longer need to seek your own advantage. You no longer need to seek your own good. You no longer need to seek your own happiness or well-being. You are able to focus on what’s most helpful to those around you. Build them up rather than tear them down. Encourage rather than criticize. Bless rather than curse. Why do we do all this? Once again, Paul gives us the answer. Just as Jesus gave His life to save a lost world, so we must give our lives to save lost people. We must be willing to lay aside anything and everything in order to draw those we love - and even those we don’t love!!! - to Christ. This is why the Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. It’s why the church exists. It’s why you and I were put here on this earth. Make it your aim to imitate Paul as he seeks to imitate Christ. Look for ways to please those around you so that you might win them for Jesus!

Readings for tomorrow: Psalms 145-147, 1 Corinthians 11:2-16