Readings for today: Job 3-6, Acts 7:23-34
The true test of any relationship is vulnerability. How vulnerable can you be before that other person? How much can you share? Can you reveal your doubts and fears to them without being judged or condemned? You know, for years I struggled to be vulnerable before God. I was afraid to raise my doubts. I was afraid to talk to Him about how I was really feeling. I was afraid He would punish me or judge me or condemn me. This impacted my prayer life deeply. I found myself praying prayers that were not truly honest. I found myself speaking words that were not my own. It felt like I was often going through the motions which is probably why my prayer life was so dull and lifeless. I would read passages where Jesus would say things to His disciples like, “O you of little faith!” and it made me wonder if I could be real with God about my fears and failures. I would see so be condemned in the Bible because they doubted God’s power or His purpose or they questioned His nature and character. Then I read the Book of Job.
Job is raw. It is real. It is honest. It’s why it has such a hold on our imaginations. We love Job because he is us in many ways. Job is me when I lost my first child and railed at God in my grief. Job is me when the church plant I was leading imploded, leaving me broken and wounded and questioning my call. Job is me when my wife came to me during that season to tell me she was feeling so disconnected from me due to my neglect and something needed to change immediately. I remember shaking my fist at God night after night as I paced the living room of our home. I couldn’t sleep. I could barely eat. I was so angry. So full of fear and anxiety. So broken over what had happened. And I blamed God for it all. Job is me when I come face to face with extreme suffering in places like Yabelo, Ethiopia or Kitgum, Uganda. Overwhelmed by the needs, I cry out to God. I wonder why He allows such pain. Job is me when I listen to stories of those who’ve been abused or terrorized or oppressed and I rage at God at the injustice. Why doesn’t He step in and do something about all the evil in the world. In my darkest moments, I have even prayed like Job for the Lord to simply take me home. Take me from this world of pain and heartache and suffering to His world where I can be truly free and truly healed.
Job gives us permission - dare I say even encouragement - to be real before God. Vulnerable before the One who loves us more than we can ever imagine. The Book of Job stands as an invitation for us to enter into God’s presence as we are. Not as we should be. Not as we ought to be. Not as we so often pretend to be. But as the broken and messed up people we truly are. As much as it hurts to read, I love Job’s honesty…“Finally, Job cursed the day of his birth by saying to God: Blot out the day of my birth and the night when my parents created a son. Forget about that day, cover it with darkness, and send thick, gloomy shadows to fill it with dread. Erase that night from the calendar and conceal it with darkness…Why didn't I die at birth? Why was I accepted and allowed to nurse at my mother's breast? Now I would be at peace in the silent world below…I wish I had been born dead and then buried, never to see the light of day. In the world of the dead, the wicked and the weary rest without a worry….Why does God let me live when life is miserable and so bitter? I keep longing for death more than I would seek a valuable treasure. Nothing could make me happier than to be in the grave.” (Job 3:1-6, 11-13, 16-17, 20-22) Job reminds us that faith is a gritty enterprise. It requires us to hold on with a white-knuckle grip when everything around us seems to be falling apart. Sometimes things get to the point where we are barely holding on by our fingernails and yet even that is still faith. This, of course, is what Job’s friends fail to understand. Sadly, it’s also what the church often fails to understand. Depression doesn’t signal a lack of faith. Suffering doesn’t mean we’ve necessarily done something wrong. Anger doesn’t offend or scare God. On the contrary, being gut-wrenchingly honest before God about how we feel is the greatest act of faith one can possibly muster.
In the darkest moments of my life - what the ancients called the “dark night of the soul” - I have found God waiting for me. When I’ve shaken my fist in anger at Him and raged against how things have turned out in my life, I have found God holding me until I finally collapse in His arms in exhaustion. When I’ve suffered and been broken and wounded by the tragic events of my life, God has knelt down with me in the ashes and spoken words of comfort and peace over me. Friends, you are safe with God. You are secure with God. He longs to gather you like a hen gathers her chicks under her wings. As the wonderful song says, “When I feel my faith will fail, He will hold me fast.”
Readings for tomorrow: Job 7-9, Acts 7:35-8:3