"The highest wisdom is to navigate one's course - with contempt of the World as your chart - towards the Heavenly Port." So says a fourteenth century Augustinian monk named Thomas in his classic work, The Imitation of Christ. It's a book about the danger of vanity. Pride. Arrogance. "If you're not humble, you make the Trinity nervous..." he writes in another place in the same work with tongue firmly planted in cheek.
Pride is my greatest sin. Today in my devotional reading, I came across 1 Samuel 18:8-9 which tells the story of the very complicated relationship between two men named Saul and David. What is complex is that Saul is the current king of Israel and David is the "king-in-waiting." Both men are anointed by God. Both men selected by God. But Saul has always struggled to rest secure in God's election and so when David comes along and achieves great success, he grows envious. I must admit I know exactly how Saul feels. No one wants to be eclipsed. No one wants to be outdone. No one wants their light to dim in the light of one who is younger, greater, more gifted. If I am honest, being around more gifted people makes me feel deeply insecure and out of that insecurity all kinds of crazy things can happen. David was gifted. Incredibly so. Charismatic. Great warrior. Musician. Poet. He was a "five tool" kind of leader. Saul had a lot going for him too - why else would God have selected him? - but deep down, he was incredibly insecure. Brittle. Too fragile to lead Israel well. Too fearful and protective of his own position. Perhaps signs of this were there from the beginning when Saul hid among the donkeys rather than come forth to be recognized as King? Anyway, young David comes to court and is immediately successful in all he does. And I know how it feels to be around someone who just seems to have it all. They are able to do everything well. And it exposes those areas in my own heart where I do not do so well. And no one likes to come face to face with their weaknesses.
I love the phrase from verse 19, "And Saul eyed David from that day on." Because, for me, when I am around those who are more gifted and more able than I, I find myself obsessing about them. Thinking about them. Finding ways to tear them down - sometimes subtlety, sometimes obviously - in my mind and heart and conversation with others. Unfortunately, I am gifted enough to know how to couch my words in language that obscures even as it attempts to diminish their reputation among others. So I get Saul. And I've "eyed" my own share of "Davids" over the years.
So what to do? I know of no other answer than to simply and humbly come before my Heavenly Father each day and confess my sin. Ask - even beg at times - His Spirit to do His work within me. Guard my heart and tongue as much as I can and hope that over the course of my life, God will refine me. Cleanse me. Sanctify me. To be sure it is a long journey. Something that will take place over a lifetime. But I trust the one who has begun His good work in me will bring it to completion.