I just got unfriended. I am not sure why. I actually have not posted much about the election on my Facebook feed. I have purposely tried to stay above the fray. But I know this person well enough that if I am not "for him" then I must be "against him." I guess the fact that I wasn't sharing his posts or "liking" his status updates grew to be too much for him. It makes me sad. Because I truly did appreciate what he had to say even though I disagreed with much of it.
Last week, I challenged folks to practice "Active Listening" in the wake of a very contentious election. This week, I want to challenge us all to "leave" the safety of our homogeneous groups and pursue friendships, relationships, or even just conversations with those we may differ with. This is a huge challenge to be sure because we seem to have lost the ability to talk to those who think differently than we do in our country today. Instead, we use apocalyptic language to describe those on the other side. Evil. Ignorant. Fear-mongering. Fascist. Communist. Divisive. Deceitful. Arrogant. Racist. Misogynist. Homophobic. Elitist. Condescending. Overbearing. Rude. And such language only serves to entrench us deeper into our own tribes. The walls go higher. The fear grows stronger. Anger turns into rage and a desire to punish the other side.
That's why I am challenging us to leave. To pluck up our courage and seek out people with whom we disagree. To intentionally pursue relationships with those who are different than us. To engage in active listening with them so we can learn from each other's life experience. The reality is we are all complex human beings. We are driven by a mixed bag of emotions and feelings. Our motivations are never completely pure. Never completely righteous. Never completely holy. And conversations with those who view life from a different, even diametrically opposed position, can help us engage in self-reflection. Ask hard questions. Receive even harder answers. This is how we grow and mature as a people and as a nation.
I cannot imagine the pain and disappointment Mrs. Clinton woke up to on November 9th. A lifelong dream shattered. Her hopes dashed. No matter what you believe about her politics, we can all relate to her pain. And yet, in the midst of her heartbreak, she shared that she hoped Mr. Trump would be a "successful president for all Americans." She told her supporters that he deserved an "open mind and a chance to lead." Even as she acknowledged her loss cut her deeply, she courageously and vulnerably and graciously pointed us all forward.
I cannot imagine how hard it would be to walk into a theater with your family only to be booed and called out publicly after the performance. And yet Mr. Pence told his kids, "This is what freedom sounds like." Despite the fact that he and Mr. Trump won the election, he didn't feel the need to gloat or to dismiss the concerns of those who didn't vote for him. "I know this is a very anxious time for some people." And he's right. Many in our nation are anxious. Afraid. They have heard what Mr. Trump had to say on the campaign trail and seen the public rise of white supremacist groups and they wonder what the future holds. I loved how Mr. Pence responded to the challenge put forth to him by the cast. "I did hear what was said from the stage. I can tell you I wasn't offended by what was said...I just want to reassure every American that in the days ahead I am very confident that they are going to see President-elect Trump be a president for all of the people and we embrace that principle. We are going to work hard to make that principle every day that we serve." And then he took the additional step to give a glowing review of the musical.
So how do we "Leave" well? Here are some things to consider as you take on this challenge...
- Humility: There are few things in life a little more humility won't solve. None of us have all the answers. None of our political parties or political leaders have all the answers. There is much we can learn from each other provided we are willing to be humble and teachable and listen to one another.
- Escape the Binary Trap: Few things in the political realm are truly 100% right or 100% wrong. Most of them exist on a spectrum. It is true that Democrats and Republicans see the world very differently. But one of the reasons our nation has survived crisis after crisis over the centuries is our ability to compromise. To find common ground and work together. To focus more on what we are for rather than what we are against.
- Reject an "Eye for an Eye" mentality: Elections have consequences. Without a doubt. But we must reject the temptation to punish the other side. We must reject the temptation to lock them out of the decision-making process. We must not be a nation of "poor" winners and losers and instead work together.
- Assume the Best: Most people I meet who voted for Hillary Clinton are deeply compassionate, concerned about justice, and stand in godly solidarity with those who are less fortunate. They are very aware of the broken systems in which we live and they want to change those systems to create opportunity for everyone. Most people I meet who voted for Donald Trump are deeply compassionate, concerned about justice, and want to see those who are less fortunate get opportunities to better their lives. They are deeply aware of how we must all take personal responsibility for our individual choices in life. Are not both true? Do we not live in a system built over the last 400+ years to support privilege whether gendered, racial, or economic? Absolutely! And do not the individuals within that system need to be held responsible for the choices they make? 100%! And can't we acknowledge both and work together to increase opportunity for all Americans? I think so. But we have to start by assuming those on the other side have the best intentions.
- Engage in Honest Self-Reflection: The reality is we are all deeply flawed human beings. As a Christian, I would use the language of sin and brokenness. As such, our leaders are also broken. Our political ideologies are broken. Again, we must be willing to acknowledge where we make mistakes. We must be willing to confront our weaknesses. We must be willing to call out our leaders when they say and do things that are not godly or healthy or appropriate. And we must be willing to celebrate our leaders when they do a great job. Again, humility is key here.
Most of all, we must acknowledge the fears and the pain so many are carrying. We must be tender and compassionate with one another. Gentle. Kind. For this is not an easy process. It is not for the timid or the cowardly. It takes courage to engage. Courage to boldly go into these contested spaces and begin a dialogue. Courage to listen and not speak. Courage to learn from another person's experience. Courage to put aside our need to be right or justified in our own eyes. Courage to learn from those who are on the other side. Courage to leave the echo chambers of our own making and enter the marketplace of ideas to contend for what we believe to be the truth.